Will I?

Sitting here, I am thinking about all the things I have wanted to write about in depth for the past year but have  had no idea where to start or what to say. These things include my mother's bout with breast cancer and her subsequent recovery, my parent's divorce and the emotional impact it has had on both of them, the passing of my father's mother, and my mother-in-law's unending need for financial support from me and Samantha. It seems all the things that weigh heavy on my mind and heart are so difficult for me to face lately. Sometimes I feel like my life has been on cruise control with only minor speed bumps impeding my journey. Now that I have come face to face with some of life's true hardships, it is almost too much to bare. I wonder if I lose myself in my studies and international trips, my books and music, my work and leisure only to avoid the true problems that tug at my soul. I can't help but feel so weak when I see my loved ones suffer. It makes me feel weaker knowing I never did anything to try and make the situation better. I wonder how can I ever be a successful therapist if I can't deal with my own shit. I always tell myself I will deal with it one day. But I wonder, will I? Will I ever be a source of comfort for my mother, my father, my family? When that day comes closer to say our final goodbyes, will we be at peace with each other? Or will I only feel regret and sorrow at wasted opportunities gone by?